Today, while making dinners for two couples that just had their first babies, I had a thought. Wouldn’t it be great just to help people all day? I am a teacher, so that’s what I do, but I get paid for it. Also, I feel like my teaching duties sometimes keep me from helping, hanging out with, or communicating with others–friends, family, and strangers. Sometimes my work keeps me from taking care of me. So, if I didn’t work, what would I do all day? Here’s what I would LOVE to do:

Keep a garden that would feed Justin and me. Donate the rest. Cut flowers and give to others. Cook for people who are too busy. Keep my house clean. Help others with their laundry, shopping, errands. Write letters, call people, send emails. Take pictures. Tutor elementary, middle, and high school students. Help with Ohana more often. Write letters to Compassion children. Knit scarves, hats, baby booties, bibs, socks, mittens, and gloves for people who need them and just for fun (baby showers, etc.). Read and journal. Volunteer at food banks. Exercise. Take people to coffee or to dinner. Work on my dissertation (at some point). Go for walks. Babysit for tired parents. Travel with a cause: building schools, building homes, teach intensive gardening, etc. Start cleaning out stuff we don’t use/need anymore. Write letters for Amnesty International. Visit family for long stretches of time. Host more get-togethers. Go camping and hiking. Travel anytime.

Can I be a millionaire without working so I can keep my house and afford to give to others?

Is this insane?

I got a voice mail from my dear friend Andrea. She was explaining that she and her husband were going to check out a neighborhood and its church this weekend, and she told me about Circle of Hope. This is, at first glance, what I hoped Seattle Metro Church could be. As I think about what we have done right and what could have been done better, I remember that we’re only human and that CoH started in 1996–when we were still in high school, worrying about Homecoming, SATs and band competitions. I would still like to be part of a community like this, and the closest I have found to this is Ohana Project. Justin and I have gone there sporadically since November or so (and regularly this last month). We have friends there, which helps, but I also enjoy the diversity of ages, races, and backgrounds, the fellowship, the authenticity, and the service-oriented nature of Ohana. I still hunger for more depth in theological/bible study, and I am not sure where to go or who to turn to for this. Here’s my ad that I will put out on Craigslist:

Teacher/Theologian wanted. Must be available at the whim of a 20-something’s desire to study the bible in-depth. Must be able to deal with her frustration, questions, and crazy schedule.

This weekend (and most of this month) has been rainy, but we managed to have a good bit of fun anyway. Justin and I went out for Thai food, went to a photography show in a coffee shop, went for a walk around Ballard, got some tea, and caught a movie on Thursday night. Saturday, after a big breakfast, we went to see Twelfe Night (the first folio spelling) at Seattle Rep and then got ready to have another couple over for bread, homemade potato soup, salad, and homemade plum-peach cobbler. We had fun just talking with our company for about four hours–something we rarely get to do. Today after church we drove up to Capitol Hill and went to the bike store so Justin’s tires could work again, and then we went for a walk in Volunteer Park in the rain. I could have walked for longer, but we were expecting a Craigslister to drop by. Knowing that I had grading to do, I did what I always do in the face of grading–procrasti-baking. Now I am procrastiblogging, but earlier I made pumpkin muffins, which were quite tasty. This weekend I’ve also been knitting quite a bit on my niece’s baby kimono. Who knows when I will be finished with it. The process is quite fun.

This week is going to be extra-crazy, as I have school- or education-related events every night but Monday this week–including Saturday and Friday. While I’m not doing that, I’ll be reading The Great Divorce for the C.S. Lewis book group I’m in.

It looks like the owner of the MacBook Pro I happen to be typing on needs his computer back (*ahem* Justin) so this mini-blog will have to do.

We just got back from our trip to Camano Island. What a relaxing weekend it was! I didn’t get much work done, so in many regards it was a retreat. I had a great time, but I left feeling guilty about what I didn’t do as far as paper grading. Aaron rented a beach house from a coworker, and Elaine, Jesse, Raleigh, Daniel, Aaron, Andrea, Asher, Justin, and I were there for the weekend. The “cottage” is 2 bedrooms/2 baths/2 stories and it’s right on the beach. We got there Friday night and mainly stayed inside for the whole weekend, as there is a lot of living space and the weather was unpredictable (mainly rainy and cool). That was fine, though, because we played ping-pong, watched Shallow Hal and Lemony Snicket, played Wii games, had a late-night poker game, talked, beach-combed, kayaked, ate A LOT, and just had a great time. I finished reading The Good Husband of Zebra Drive, which was one of my personal solitude treats. I ate some of Theo Chocolate’s Bread and Chocolate bars and drank my miracle red tea while finishing the book. This is one of my favorite things to do–drink hot beverages and eat chocolate while reading a book with a nice view nearby. Bonus points if it’s raining or if there are friends or family sitting quietly by, doing their own thing.

By the way, I call it miracle red tea because I kept whining about not having brought my own rooibos tea, and I asked Justin to find some while he went to the store Friday night, but since we were in a rather rural area, there was none. I whined some more the next day about my lack of red tea, and decided to make some of the Celestial Seasonings tea that a previous guest left behind. Upon opening the box, lo and behold, I found a solitary packet of red tea flavored with vanilla! I really appreciated the tea, savoring every sip.

Now I must work. Monday morning calls my name. I only have two more Mondays of teaching this year–and the last one doesn’t count since I’ll have a sub while I help with graduation rehearsal.

So I was on the Discovery Health National Body Challenge website today, tracking my exercise for the last week. Apparently, one can exercise in church as a valid fitness activity. I’ll have to bring my stopwatch and sweatpants next time. Click the photo for a larger view.

Also listed as a form of exercise is “Bathing: Self-care.” As my husband stated, with no pun intended, I’m sure, “that’s really reaching for exercise.”

Although I am tired from our late-night Lowe’s trip, Safeway run, and video stop….
Even though I stayed up late to make a vanilla pudding-layered fruit salad and biscuits and gravy (not sure why I did)…..
Despite the fact that I ignored my bedtime to work on the Easter homily and got distracted by an online art encyclopedia for several hours….

this morning is a sunny, glorious Easter morning. The birds seem to be chirping the news that “Christ is Risen! Alleluia!”

Today we will celebrate at Daniel’s with feasting and rejoicing. I’m taking a ham, baked beans, and the fruit salad I made last night.

This afternoon I must:
–pack for tomorrow’s trip to Vancouver
–deposit checks in bank
–do laundry
–exercise
–finish knitting hat (almost done!)
–take shirt back to old navy
–work in garden
–clean out car (wash and vacuum)

There are some days that, with the sun shining on you in all of its warm, Spring-Break goodness and the Friday freedom settling in, make one dream. The possibilities seem endless. The future seems hopeful. I get restless. I reflect, dream, wish, think, and feel both optimistic and dissatisfied. These days make me wonder whether I am doing what I should be doing. They make me wonder why I watch so many movies and grade so many papers. They make me think about health, spirituality, literacy, creativity, beauty, truth, and justice. They make me want to DO SOMETHING. They make me think that anything is possible. This is one of those days….which leads me to my next point….

Tonight Justin and I saw “My Name is Rachel Corrie,” a play written about the young American woman who lived in Palestine for a few months to help stop the violence there. Although there is much more to this story than the play had time (and intentions) to get to, I was moved by this young lady’s intelligence, joie de vivre, passion, and conviction as portrayed by this play. The play was based off of her letters, e-mails, and journals, so it truly captured her voice, which moved me to want to act.

How does one take action in such a messed-up world? What passion can I pursue? What can I devote my life to that will truly make a difference in the lives of others? I feel like there is a secret menu somewhere with a list of world issues that well-off Americans can peruse, select the issue-of-the day, and comfortably try to make a change with the change left over from their cupholders. What can I really do? I feel like we take the easy way out when we say, “Oh, you ARE making a difference. Think about how many lives you impact each day…yadda yadda yadda.” I don’t feel like we can afford to do that. I want to concentrate my efforts–make them potent, passionate, and intense. I want to see the effects of my actions. Perhaps it is water that is provided for a village. Perhaps the malnourished bodies of infants become plump and healthy again. Perhaps I save a species, eradicate an illness in a village, rebuild a demolished city, help fight global warming, stop child soldier recruitment, or preserve a section of the rainforest. Am I naive to think I could make this much of a difference? What kind of a world would we live in if each one of us had a “pet” issue that we fought for throughout our lives? Most Americans can afford to do this, both time-wise and wealth-wise, but we don’t, and why not? Are we too afraid of what will happen if other countries don’t need aid anymore? Will helping other people threaten our superpower status? Do we just forget what our neighbors in other countries are going through? Do we find it too troubling to think about?

I am feeling incredibly un-incredible right now because I am thinking about how different–how much more passionate and creative–I could be. I am both energized and disheartened by this thought.

(This is from Saturday)

Today has been deemed education day. Not like the other days in my life AREN’t spent on this venture, but today is Saturday and, well, I had to PAY to do some of my education-related activities today.

First, we woke up bright and early to hear Jonathan Kozol speak at Seattle University. He brought home the idea that what urban schools with students of color need is more money, which will bring smaller class sizes and better materials. Amen to that. I’m tired of the initial monetary inequities and of the removal of money if a school is not performing “at standard.” I’m tired of starting off my year with 35-40 students per class. There is a lot more I am tired of in education, but I love the kids. I work with some stellar staff members. I just feel like the students I have need so much more than we’re giving them, and other students from wealthier homes will always have more opportunities unless some things change.

So…with that on my mind, I went to the Cleveland College Conference at our school. The day was set up with workshops for students, staff, and parents around parent advocacy, financial aid, personal statements, summer enrichment opportunities and more. I was thrilled to see so many community members and students there (and food catered by the legendary Jones’ BBQ!). I’m proud of events like this that encourage our students to further their education, especially when the week before this event, there was a spirit week and special assembly leading up to it.

To round the day off, our film night movie was Half Nelson. I didn’t make it through the whole movie, not because it was boring, but because my head hurt, dang it! The basic storyline is that this young, hip, inner-city NY teacher/basketball coach has a drug problem, and one of his 8th grade girl students/b-ball players finds out. He keeps making dumb choices, but is trying to help steer the girl in the right direction and away from the path of her older brother. It was difficult to watch, as most of these movies are too idealistic and “the underdog always wins”-themed, this one was gritty and had an ambiguous ending (so I’m told). I kept counting the number of lawsuits anyone else in this guy’s situation would have been faced with in any other town.

I watched Blood Diamond Friday night, which made me passionate about Africa again. I keep forgetting how horrible some people’s lives are–never knowing when men and young boys might come into your town, killing anyone for fun. I really got a taste of what boy soldiers go through to get that brainwashed, as well as an idea of how corrupt some countries’ governments are. don’t get me wrong–I know most governments are corrupt. However, when I know that, for the most part, our mail gets to where we send it, we can walk down the streets safely, we can earn a decent living, and we can know our families are safe, I think we’re doing pretty well. I’m glad to hear that Sierra Leone is at peace now (at least that’s what the end of the movie stated), but I know the Darfur region of Sudan (as well as other countries) are undergoing such strife that it’s hard to get excited about one country becoming more stable.

So, as you can see, many issues are weighing on my mind. Here’s to a more optimistic week, and some sort of clue as to how to deal with all of this.

So…this week has been full of work, play, friends, and rest. Now the end of my break is near, and the work I have to do seems endless. I don’t feel hopeless about it, but I do wish I had a few more days for hiking and whatnot. The weather has been surprisingly cooperative (by that I mean sunny), but all of that changed last night with the showers that will seem to linger for the next few (by that I mean ten) days.

Right now I am being powered by a double tall latte (my drink of choice). I think the “double” might be a bit much for me, as my eye is twitching now…..Anyway, I used to stare at the menus when I walked into coffee shop, looking lost—like I had never seen an artfully-drawn chalk-on-blackboard menu before. In reality, I was searching my soul and tastebuds for what I was in the mood for. Since that takes too much thought these days, and since I really don’t like sugary drinks, it’s all a matter of caffeine, so I usually rotate between mochas, americanos, or lattes. Then it’s only 3 choices to rotate between–dessert shot, hardcore caffeine, or breakfast shot.

For some reason, when I am caffeinated, I have a strong desire to pray, be creative, or engage in an animated conversation about hopes and dreams, which are usually beneficial, but not always feasible. I am trying to pray more regularly, and I don’t always want to have caffeine to do this. I am trying to do this by using a prayer journal which serves multiple purposes. First, I can be more focused. Second, I can track how often I am actually praying. Third, I can keep a record of what has been on my heart and mind, and see what prayers have been answered. I have tried this in the past, and it has been a useful exercise that I usually too quickly abandon.

Another activity I would like to do more often is spend more time with my hubby. We went out on a fancy-pants (or in my case, fancy-dress) date last night to the Metropolitan Grill. We had a gift certificate for it, so the valet parking and tip were all we had to really pay for. We had the house greens salad (candied walnuts, gorgonzola, pear, etc.), the filet mignon (Justin got house steak fries, I got mashed potatoes), and bananas foster. It was SO fun to see the bananas foster ON FIRE. Oh, the flames!!

We went for a walk after our yummeh dinner, hoping to get to the library for some warmth and book browsing, only to discover they closed at 6, so we trekked back against the wind to the car. Yay for the Met’s warming lamps in the lobby!

We arrived early for our play at the Rep, so we got discount parking ($5) far away. More walking! Despite that, we still arrived 15 minutes early to The Blue Door. We didn’t really know much about it, but we read that it had a small cast (two men) and an African-American woman playwright. I knew it was about an African-American mathematician facing a life crisis who was looking to his past to understand his present and future. The main character is struggling with his blackness and how it relates to the white-dominated field of mathematics. He “converses” with his great-grandfather, brother, grandfather, and father in the play. The blue door is a reference to his great-grandfather’s mother’s insistence that her door of her quarters as a slave be painted blue with indigo to keep the bad spirits out and the good ones in. I enjoyed the play, as I usually do when a play gets me to think about life and those with whom I engage. I would love to see more plays by Tanya Barfield.

Well, tonight holds babysitting, paper grading, and movie-watching. I hope to see The Departed with Justin tonight before the Oscar Party tomorrow. Here’s to the weekend, rainy as it may be.

Lent starts tomorrow with Ash Wednesday. I don’t know what to sacrifice during that time. In years past, it’s been either meat, caffeine, or sweets. I would have had to plan ahead for caffeine, meat isn’t much a part of my life these days, and sweets is a bit undefined (Does a tic tac count? Gatorade?).

So, here are my ideas for Lent:
*reading for fun
*TV (does this count TV on DVD?)
*bubble tea
*chocolate (or just expensive chocolates?)
*buying things?? Clothes? Shoes? I don’t do much of that these days….

Anyway, I haven’t decided yet, and tomorrow comes in less than 5 hours.